Anyone who really knows my husband and I, knows that we are almost complete opposites in every way. We couldn't be more different. Different personalities, different upbringing, different approaches to conflict, different hobbies, and list goes on.
Wes probably has never had an enemy in his life. (HOW???) He is friendly to all, never rubs people the wrong way, always approachable even with bad news, happy and comfortable being himself. He is the same at home as he is out in public and thats amazing. He is just the nicest guy and loved by all!
I know I have great qualities as well, but in comparison and being real with myself: I've been known to rub some people the wrong way (I AM doing much much better now :) Im working on being more approachable and Im not the best with bad news (seriously my 1st response to anything negative is to cry-ugh!!). Im not always the most comfortable being myself except 100% w/ my husband and Ive grown a TON in the friendship department. It seems like being an extremely nice person comes easily and naturally for Wes but I've had to really grow in that area. Don't get me wrong I love helping people and I am a very loyal and real friend but my likability factor is nothing like Wes. ;-)
We grew up differently. Wes had many college graduates before him and I was the 1st in my family to go and graduate from college (my mom now has her Master's degree). He grew up with close extended family all around him and I barely know or talk to my extended family. There was financial stability for Wes and serious financial strain for us (my mom has an amazing testimony to this and now does EXTREMELY well for herself financially). He lived in one home his entire life and I moved every 2-3years being a military brat and I really enjoyed that aspect of seeing parts of the world and having many unique experiences. I could go on and on about our differences but I'm sure you get the point. Each of our personal experiences has shaped us to be the people we are today.
This is not to say that he is better than me or anything but we come from different worlds and somehow had to mesh our two worlds into one when we got married. We had to take the things we liked and leave behind the things that wouldn't work for our own family and that is not always easy but necessary.
Its funny how the things that you loved or thought was cute about your mate before you got married sometimes becomes the exact thing that drives you crazy about them during the marriage. Wes is my best friend and my favorite person ever but he can get under my skin like no other as well. In my small group at church we recently studied through a book by Gary Thomas called,
Sacred Marriage: What if God Designed Marriage to Make us Holy More than to Make us Happy?
The title alone is deep. Really?? Marriage isn't about MY happiness? WHAT?? This was blunt but wonderfully put in my opinion. Happiness is a feeling that can come and go based off circumstances. And trust me circumstances change. This doesn't mean that you should be miserable in your marriage, but just don't expect your union to only be about your happiness. If you stay married long enough there will definitely be some miserable moments as there will be amazing moments too.
The book says " The key question is this: Will we approach marriage from a God-Centered view or a man-centered view? In a man centered-view, we will maintain our marriage as long as our earthy comforts are met. In a God-centered view, we preserve our marriage because it brings glory to God and points a sinful world to a reconciling Creator." So...wow... my marriage can be used as a testimony to God and can possibly steer people towards Christ. That's AMAZING!
The things that we have learned along the way is that even though Wes and I may be such DIFFERENT people we have to be on the SAME team when it comes to our marriage. It's inevitable that we are going to get on each others nerves and that things will not always (or may never) be perfect, but God has equipped us both to bring different things to the table that really makes our relationship work. Where I'm weak he is strong and vice versa and especially when we both are weak(which is frequently), trust that God steps in to make up the difference.
Have you ever read the cute kid story "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day," by Judy Viorst? As adorable and funny that story is, its a different thing when you are the one experiencing it. I've had days that were overwhelming before and Im sure many more to come, but for some reason this particular day was memorable (probably because it just happened yesterday :0) It wasn't so much as horrible as it was just plain exhausting.
6:30am Kroger run: It actually started the night before when I noticed that my daughters were out of fruit squeeze pouches and this is a staple product around my home. Heaven forbid I send my daughter to her mothers day out program the next day without one in her lunch box. Its the one healthy thing that she consistently eats so if it's missing it would be like I didn't send a lunch at all.
7:20am back home: Yes I know- I was only supposed to grab squeeze pouches but I got caught up and $100 and 5 grocery bags later I made it back home. BTW the squeeze pouches were only $2 a box- what was I doing????
8:30am-9:15 Leave to drop my oldest daughter's off at her mothers day out program(MDO): after nagging my 2yr old to eat her cereal along with my 10 month old who has started eating a few bites of her food and then spitting out what she doesn't want and playing in the mess
9:45am at another grocery store: yes I actually had a real list of things I needed on this trip unlike Kroger-Well at least I had the soft melody of my 10month old fussing about half the time we was in the store bc she was sleepy AND teething. Yea Im not sure if other customers felt the same way :0
10:45am grabbed lunch drive thru- I didn't have time to make a healthy lunch and I still had half the groceries from my early Kroger trip to put up along w/ new groceries.
11:15am-1:30pm changed and put sleepy child down for nap, ate my lunch, put up groceries, washed dishes, swept/mopped up what looked like about a week worth of crumbs but realistically it was just a day or two worth or crumbs ;), and straightened up some rooms. Yay-Living room is spotless!
1:45pm-3:30pm left to go pick up 2yr old from school and stopped at another store bc I needed to return an item and pick up last few items that could not be found at earlier stores w/ both girls
4pm back home to start dinner (Crock pot!!), and practically beg my 2yr old to eat a piece of pizza (remember this slice of pizza for later)
5pm- the time I really needed to be heading out again to drop girls off at church to head to my tues ladies program that starts at 5:45 but I noticed a major diaper blow out from my baby that resulted in outfit change, and my two year old somehow had chocolate all over her shirt so another outfit change. As I was getting my two year old to go potty before we leave and took my eyes off my 10month old for 1 min she had managed to grab that slice of pizza( that my 2yr old never finished even after my pleas) sitting on table and tear it to pieces all over my floor (freshly swept and mopped floor remember). That was after she had tore through the toy area like a Tornado (Livingroom no longer spotless lol) That girl is super fast. Needless to say I made it to program late at 6:15-ugh
8:45pm back home from ladies program and bc I put crockpot meal on pretty late in the day it STILL had to cook for another 45mins, so much for having dinner ready early.
At 1st all I wanted to do was whine, cry, and complain about how tired I was and all the messes and negotiations I made today w/ my two year old, all the crying and meltdowns I dealt with, and how exhausting it was to get 2 kids in and out of a car all day long ( yes I counted it was like 8x's that day). But while I was at my ladies program another girl shared her struggle w/ fertility and her hopes and prayers for IVF to work and how sometimes she questions God during this process. I started to cry (like big baby tears), because I remembered all to well just about five years prior I had my own two year journey to get pregnant. I remembered all the journal entries I wrote where I was upset with God and couldn't understand why he wouldn't just allow me to get pregnant. Then after two years of trying and nothing I finally get pregnant only to lose that child to miscarriage and I remembered my anger and and sadness during that time.
Lets fast forward years later and now I have two healthy beautiful little girls that God blessed me with. God allowed me to get pregnant not once but twice and have healthy (very sick but healthy) pregnancies and deliveries. This is what I BEGGED and PRAYED to God for, although at the moment I was only thinking about how stressed out I was that day with all the responsibilities on me as a mother. A change in perspective made me realize I shouldn't be complaining but praising God. This is not to say that we won't have really stressful rough days as mothers- seriously I deal with emotional crying meltdowns regularly with a two year old, but maybe if we look at the blessings of motherhood we can change our perspective greatly and start praising God for what he has given to us instead of complaining.
When I got home that night and both girls were in bed (not all the way sleep) I still went in and gave both a kiss and hug. Thank you God for a change in my attitude!
-"Life always beings with one step out of your comfort zone"
"Everything you've ever wanted - Is on the other side of fear"
"Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the WHOLE staircase" Martin Luther King
There are two very distinctive sides to me. One side of me is the hard working, outspoken person (especially when I feel passionately about something), who has high standards, and is a very loyal friend. The other side of me is a bit shy, timid, fearful, bogged down at times w/ baggage, and prefers to stay completely in my comfort zone-where its nice and comfy of course. Some people wouldn't believe the latter side of the two...or maybe they would. I don't know. I often think differently of myself than maybe people who know me think. Either way I sometimes feel confused about my purpose and if I'm really fulfilling what God has set for my life. I think in some areas yes, but in many areas no. I know its really time for a change!
Sooo why in the world am I starting a blog? Ive asked myself this question numerous times and even when my husband challenged me to do so I responded ever so negatively "why would anyone want to listen to what I think. There are so many other people in the world to read about so why me?" Who knows maybe my sweet husband wanted to nicely tell me to write down my never ending thoughts instead of telling them all to him...joking but not really, trust me I get it... but either way this randomly came to me...why not me? Its time to challenge myself to make some choices that honestly terrify the CRAP out of me. To just live my life without any regrets and without caring so much about what anyone thinks along the way. In my opinion it would be so much easier to live my life flying slightly under the radar. You know-don't bring any unnecessary attention my way. Maybe that's not how God wants me to live???
I have decided to go on a journey of challenging myself to write down my thoughts and be completely transparent along the way. That four letter word FEAR has crippled me for too long and frankly its getting old. So let me preface this by saying I won't pretend to be some prolific writer or anything. After having two kids and staying home the last two years I seriously sometimes wonder if I was really ever college educated. I mean I forget everything, my spelling is horrible, yet when the Doc Mcstuffins intro song comes on I know ALL the words. Its really quite embarrassing. Anywho writing, I believe, is just the best way for me to document my journey. I initially thought about youtube videos but then I quickly remembered 9th grade speech class. We had to do speeches in front of the class (recorded!!!) and then watch them as a class to critique each other. Come on, seriously who thinks of these horrible things to do to kids?!?! ;0 Immature teens aren't the best at "constructive" criticizing-so needless to say it was humiliating and embarrassing. I also think I broke the record w/ how many times "um" could be said in a 10min speech...so for now i'll stick to trying my hand at writing. ;)
My topics will be random because honestly thats just the way my brain works. I love to learn new things so join me on my journey and who knows maybe you can become a better you while I become a better ME!