As I wrote earlier about my daughter's relationship w/ their father, I really started to dissect my own relationship/idea of fathers growing up and decided to share.
I know very little about my biological father. He spent most of my life in and out of prison. I met him for the first and last time the summer before I started my junior year of high school. That was the first communication I had with him up until maybe a few years ago. From what I was told he was a very good guy early on while he and my mom were dating and was happy when I was born. Who knows he might have become a decent father but when his mother passed away he was introduced to drugs and the rest was history. My mom told me about what happened (the good and the bad) all while not trying to paint a horrible picture of my father. I heard from others that knew him that the drugs caused him to be very abusive towards my mom and reckless.
Growing up my interactions with my step dads were even worse. So really between my own father, grandfather, uncle, and two step fathers every example I needed of a Godly man was practically non-existent. Sure I went to church and had friends who had fathers around but my interactions with them were not as significant. It wasn't enough to combat all the negative I was witnessing/experiencing at home. I didn't personally get to see how a man was supposed to treat his wife, nor how a man was supposed to treat and take care of his family.
I know God's hand was over my life because I ended up marrying a man who was God's best for me and my girls. Wes and I are nearing twelve years of marriage. We are not perfect but I'm blessed to say that all the craziness I experienced and watched growing up has NEVER occurred in my own marriage/home. The physical fights, severe jealousy, multiple police reports, mental and verbal abuse, etc are now a distant memory. Wes and I may not have a ton of money or materialistic things but I can say 100% I live in a peaceful and loving home which makes me feel rich!
I'm also grateful to God that after all those years of having a non existent dad, my father and I finally got a chance to speak. Long story short a few years ago my sister reached out to my father while he was still in prison and started a relationship with him. Shortly after he was then paroled and we reconciled. I was finally able to let him know that I had forgiven him. At the time I didn't realize how significant this would be but after his connection back with my sister and I he stayed out of jail, off drugs and was actually doing well. He was happy and was motivated to stay out of trouble for the first time in his life because of us. We had all planned to finally meet up soon, until the day I got a call from my sister crying. A hospital had just called her and said our father wasn't feeling well so he stopped by to be checked out and then died unexpectedly shortly after they had thought he was starting to feel better. In the end my dad really had no one besides my sister and I to take care of all the final arrangements.
I believe that after looking at my own experiences with fathers, God has brought me though all of these ups and downs to show me that no matter what He is in control and for me to try to keep my eyes on him. He has always been the Father to me that I needed and he will continue to be the most important Father in my life.
God in His holy dwelling is a father of the fatherless and a champion of widows. God provides homes for those who are deserted. He leads out the prisoners to prosperity, but the rebellious live in a scorched land.
I have two adorable little girls. A little backstory when I was pregnant (both times) I just knew I was having a boy. I (embarrassingly) corrected anyone who called the baby a "she," before I found out what I was having. I don't know what my infatuation was with having a son. I do know that my sister and I argued and fought like crazy over EVERYTHING growing up so I wasn’t sure about embarking on the drama of two girls close in age like my sister and I.
Well God constantly proves to me that I am not in control and very frequently throws out all my perfectly organized plans. So two girls it is...23 months apart, and I could not feel more blessed and happy by His decision.
I am learning more about the special relationship between a daughter and her father as I watch my girls. This is all new to me as I didn't grow up with my biological father in my life, nor any other strong positive male figure.
Wesley is a wonderful father and our girls absolutely adore him. I love how giddy Micah gets when daddy comes home from work. She is excited, screaming “Hi daddy,” and runs to him. She instantly gets upset if he doesn't pick up her within two seconds of him coming in the door. He sometimes doesn't even have time to put his stuff down before she is in his arms or wrapped around his leg.
I have a friend who has two slightly older girls and when I was first pregnant she jokingly said get ready for when they want daddy over you. She gave an example of when her girls would sometimes cry out in the night and she would go in and console them and then randomly one night she got up and her daughter said to her "no, I want daddy." Well needless to say I'm in the midst of those times right now, mainly with my three-year-old Malachi but my one-year-old Micah is following closely behind.
From first thing in the morning until bedtime I hear the phrase "I want daddy" frequently. Every piece of artwork and anything done for the first time or done well she proclaims, "I need to show or tell daddy". If I say no to something or she is just over me she will say, "I want daddy" and go find him. We've learned to be on the same page with her technique of asking the other parent when one says no (I didn't know this scheme would start so early) :-) This past Sunday at church Wes was talking with someone AND had Micah in his arms and Malachi said she needed to use the bathroom so I said ok I'll take you and she said, "no I want daddy to take me."
Of course I don't get jealous...right :-0 ... I know my girls love and need me too, but I do jokingly think well what about me? I mean seriously Malachi just started saying that I am bossy. It actually sounds more like "you're not da bossy" or "stop being da bossy" when she she says it ;) To which I respond "bye girl, I sure am because I am in charge!" Strange how Wesley hasn't been called bossy yet...??? lol
I love the time they spend together. Malachi loves watching sports with daddy, Wes takes the girls on walks frequently, and I know they both prefer daddy's soul music bath time sessions over my regular boring ones ;0 (I mean who wouldn't???). At breakfast Malachi says she wants daddy's cereal (which is any of the cereals daddy likes) and at bedtime she wants to say daddy's prayer (which is actually the Lord's prayer haha)
I am blessed and grateful that they can have experiences I never had growing up. I don't know exactly what the future holds but we will enjoy this sweet time now because the pre/teenaged years may bring about a different adventure. sigh