Why is marriage so complicated at times. Honestly if your life and marriage is full of rainbows and butterflies then maybe this post is not for you. But if you've ever asked yourself whoa, wait a min what ever happened to the all so famous "happily ever after" ending in marriage then read on. Why is it that when you get married, rarely people explain how hard two imperfect people coming together to become one really is? Leaving and cleaving, yes all biblical but non the less super hard.
In the day and age of social media marriage can be misleading. On one hand all you see is the happiness and the joy two individuals share. Their lives must be so perfect right? But on the flip side wouldn't it be awful if we tweeted and posted about all our frustrations with our spouses or shared every disagreement on Facebook as well?!?? There's enough negativity there already!! I can hear it now OMG can you believe how so and so's husband completely ignored so and so's feelings, or maybe how dare she treat her man like this and that... It's really a social media catch 22. How much sharing is too real? How much being too real is being too negative, and on and on. But in being real how often in a marriage do we step on each other's hearts strings and only focus on our own wants and desires? Really more often than not especially when we are lead by our core sinful natures. Isn't it easier to think about ourselves?
I recently watched my 2 yr old at the library walk up to another child who was playing w/ Legos and attempt to take a few as she told the kid the they were hers(btw the Legos were property of the library). I didn't hesitate to tell her to share and to be nice- obviously bc she shouldn't take things from others but a small part of me bc I didn't want the other moms to think I'm raising a selfish little drama starter (wait a min aren't most two year olds selfish in the grand scheme of things and don't get me started on the drama ugh!!) I promise another topic for another day but anyhoo why was it so easy to reprimand my daughter about sharing and being nice when honestly I need to take my own advice sometimes when it comes to my own relationships especially with my husband. I would say for the most part Wesley and I get along pretty well and after 11years of marriage we are starting (yes I just said starting...marriage is a LONG process lol) to really understand the way each other works and thinks. Yes we are so different but I really couldn't imagine me marrying someone just like me, no matter how much over the years I've tried my best but failed to make him more like me. (Once again another story for a different day)
So where's MY happily ever after fairy tale ending or even that blissful over the top look that you gave each other while dating/on your wedding night now that you are a few years into the marriage you ask?? I wrote a post about a book recently that asked "what if marriage was designed to make you more holy than happy?" So I'll ask, what if your happily ever after is really comprised of ALL the "real stuff" that make up a marriage- the good, the bad, and even the ugly at times. When I look back over my eleven years there are both ups and downs that have brought us to where we are today. TONS of growing pains along the way I promise. Sure some stuff could have been completely avoided if we were more mature in our thinking earlier on but it all makes up our unique story. I will go into more detail of our journey along the way but let's just say two young SUPER BROKE college love birds are bound to make an interesting start to a marriage story. (Inserts laughing crying emoji and my favorite eye roll one here!).
Im learning more and more that MY "happily ever after" is actually all in the process that takes place within my marriage; it's not one particular destination spot that we land on and we have finally arrived. Life has a way of throwing curve balls as they say (BABIES, miscarriages, loss of employment, deaths, etc) and it's what you do in those moments that will grow you and your marriage. If you can stick out the course and maneuver the crazy waves that you may (WILL!!) encounter along the way you may be on your way to building a strong relationship. I know personally Wesley and I have a lot more learning and growing to do. We believe God has much more to accomplish in our lives and marriage. So if you think you've already got this marriage thing figured out after few years in, good luck to you! After a little more than a decade I'm personally still reading marriage books, we are involved in a marriage small group, and just constantly trying to grow. Through my experience once I get over one hurdle there are typically more to jump over, duck under, and shoot sometimes just go completely around along the way. Personally going from just my husband and I for about 9 years to now my husband, I , and our two small girls had me breaking out all new books to read! Talk about really flipping the script after we thought we had things figured out.
I'll end with restating that I am constantly on journey to my "happily ever after" because it honestly just doesn't just happen after you said I do. Also trust that sometimes it may not feel or look anywhere near happy but I definitely feel blessed to know 100% that we are super committed to our ..."ever after."