Today was one of those days I had to sit down and re-evaluate myself. The past few weeks (shoot maybe more) I've felt like I was on one of those hamster wheels running super fast but getting nowhere. I do realize that with two children under the age of three, there are going to be many days like this so I should give myself some slack however today I needed to figure out what was really going on in my crazy world.
For starters, I've been super forgetful lately. For example, I had planned with a friend to meet up at a nearby church with the girls for "trunk or treat" fun. Ive had it on my calendar for at least a couple of weeks and I was really looking forward to it. I had the girls costumes ready to go and everything. Well I got a text today AFTER the event where my friend said "hey we missed you tonight" and added a super cute picture of her daughter in her costume and it was only then that I realized I put it on my calendar for the wrong date. She had thought something came up and I couldn't make it and this is not the 1st or 2nd time this has happened to me lately. I was sad I missed the event but thank God the girls are too young to really care right now and I that I didn't actually show up on the wrong day with the girls dressed in their costumes, me looking like a fool. :-0 Also with my friend's help I was able to find another fall festival to go to in a couple days. This example above was just a small problem but seriously if something is not on my running to do list and calendar it just won't get done no matter how important it is. I guess I probably need to make sure I put the right dates down as well...
Lately I've been emotional (well more than normal for me haha) and things I can typically do easily, I'm messing up completely because Im really just doing TOO much. As I approach November and December, the two busiest months of the year for me with the holidays, travel, and both girls birthdays, I know I need to get my life back on track and quick! I need some order because lately my most used phrases has been, oops sorry I forgot, I didn't know, or I'm sooo tired ANND if I drive out to one more store that either hasn't opened yet because I'm too early or has already closed because I got there too late Im really going to scream.
I finally sat down today and looked at what was going on and I realized that yes Im doing a lot of stuff (and not always well) but I'm honestly not focusing on the area that should be first in my life...GOD!?!? Sure I pray everyday, its part of my routine to just talk to God throughout the day and pray with the family, buuuut have I been reading my bible consistently and building up the most important relationship in my life? Nope, not exactly... For a while I was consistently getting up early in the morning and doing my devotion and having quiet time to just breathe and have rest in the Lord but I fell off and lately I've been getting up early and running to the gym (occasionally :-), running to the grocery store w/out children in tow, making breakfast, organizing or cleaning something, doing the budget, etc, etc, etc. This is probably why I am behind on my daily devotions and my life seems completely out of whack. The peace and rest that is written about in the bible, I am missing when I rely on my own abilities and put God at the bottom of my to do list...you know IF I get around to Him after ALL my errands and tasks are done, favorite show is watched, and then hopefully before my day has gotten away from me and Im not too tired to do another thing. Yes sad I know.
Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.
I understand that this passage was spoken to the God-fearing Jews (before the crucification and resurrection) who woke up each morning with the burden of following 613 laws and not exactly the normal tired you and I would feel after a long day. I can only relate this to my everyday experiences and Yes, I sure do feel heavy laden, I really NEED rest for my soul, and I would LOVE to switch my yoke for an easier and lighter burden. I guess in conclusion it is absolutely time I get back on track, studying my devotions, reading God's word, and striving to live my life with Him as the focal point. I need a lot of grace and I also need to give it out freely to others. I believe from time to time I need to have these rock bottom moments so I can re-adjust my life and priorities and I'm sure I'm not the only one struggling in this area occasionally, so please feel free to join me :)