Never Ending Questions
My mind is always going. I am always thinking about something so I tend to just write things down. The other day I was doing my devotion which sometimes consists of me just writing to God whatever is on my heart at the time and when I looked over what I wrote it seemed like a bunch of questions.
I spend a lot of time talking to God throughout the day but sometimes I wish that he would just talk to me audibly like if I were chatting with a girlfriend. Maybe send an angel down or a burning bush to tell me what to do like in biblical times. Im sure that would probably scare me to death, but hey then I would know 100% what God wants me to do or not to do at the exact time- no confusion. Here are some of my questions I've had over the course of many years broken down into categories that affect my life...
Am I respecting my husband? Does my husband feel loved? Do I listen more than I speak? Why does marriage require so much work? Am I being a good wife? Do I pray for my husband enough? Do I encourage and uplift my husband? Do I have an attitude or get worked up too much? Do I believe in my husband? Do we communicate effectively? Am I putting God first in my marriage. Do I like my husband (I usually do but seriously at times he just drives me crazy!!!)? Do I complain too much? How can I be an example to other marriages. How can I be transparent that marriage isn't always easy but worth it, and show dating couples that marriage is a beautiful yet demanding choice that is to be taken seriously (Its not a fairy tale at all!!)?
Am I teaching them enough about God? Am I being a good example for them? Am I being patient and kind? Am I frustrated too easily? How do I prepare/ protect them from this crazy world and where things are going? Am I yelling too much or spoiling them too much ? How do I teach them to be strong black women and navigate a world that may try to limit their potential? Am I praying enough for them? Am I letting them eat too much junk and watch too much TV? How will we make it past the pre-teen and teen stages? What schools will they go to? Are they where they need to be educationally wise. How do I prioritize my time where they don't require it all and leave me feeling depleted.
Am I successful in God's view, not just society? How should I navigate the stress of family and extended family drama? Shouldn't I be working out more (something I don't enjoy at all)? Am I eating heathy enough? Where am I going and where should I be going in my life? Am I treating people well? Do I take things too personally? Am I a good enough friend? Why does it sometimes feel like I give and give and give and its not always reciprocated? How to say no and stick my ground when it comes to my time. Do I prioritize my time well? Am I being more task oriented than people oriented and how to make sure I focus on both? Have I taken any time for me without feeling guilty?
Am I faithful with my finances? Am I budgeting correctly? Am I saving appropriately? Will I leave a legacy/ inheritance for my family when I leave this earth. What plans does God have for me that I just can't even see yet? Am I showing thanks to God for what he is already doing. Home ownership? Will I be able to afford expenses that come up unexpectedly. Can we afford to have more children (one day not now I need a break haha)? What should I be putting away for retirement? What are wants and what are needs and how to not strive "to keep up with the Joneses?"
If you are anything like me then you may have a ton of questions you ask God as well. I may not get the answers right when I want to and possibly not even the answer I had hoped for but I know God knows what is best for me. Sometimes it occurs in hindsight well after I've been stubborn or fearful but I know from past examples in my life his answers are always perfect and right on time. I'm thankful God knows, loves, and wants what's best for me. I am blessed that I don't have to have all the answers bc I know Someone who does. He will guide me in the right direction if I can be patient and obedient.
For a man's ways are before the Lord's eyes, and he considers all his paths. Proverbs 5:21