I’ve had this picture up as my profile cover on FB for over a year now, not paying it much attention over time. It was taken in Greece on a mission trip in 2019 on Mars Hill. It is where Paul presented one of his most important sermons in Athens on how the Greeks could be reconciled to God and why they basically needed to put aside all their “foolishness.” I briefly glanced at it this morning and the calmness and serene feeling that came over me while I was there basking in the beauty of God’s creation was powerful and necessary for me right now. Lord only knows how much I could use calm and peaceful serenity in my life.
I had an encouraging call from my mom yesterday that put some things in perspective. Over the past couple of years I’ve been in this weird place where I’ve sort of felt like God had forgotten about me. Like he was handing out blessings and answers to prayers and I was being skipped over continuously. Im in class and my hand is raised but the teacher keeps calling on everyone else but me. I’ve been confused over the years to why God feels like I am strong enough to keep dealing with more and more stuff being placed on me. Faith tested and frankly sometimes I failed! If I am completely honest with myself some of the “foolishness” like the Greeks was brought on by me and unwise rushed decisions along the way but sometimes life just would bring on the crazy unexpectedly as well.
“Lord I think Im good now-I’m just ready for something easy and chill.” I’m always putting everyone ahead of me-I’d rather promote someone else’s success than my own. Maybe I’ve felt unworthy at times, I don’t know, but I was constantly asking Him when was it my time with no answer in return. You know we put up a schedule of when things are supposed to happen based on age, education, etc and I was constantly feeling so behind on this schedule. Y’all I absolutely feel like a late bloomer when it comes to all things being and “looking” successful. When am I going to have…, when I am going to be…
God’s timing is sometimes very confusing. It defies all things that make sense to us. I also had to understand that success doesn’t come in one style. What exactly IS “successful”?? I don’t have to look like this person or have what that person has to be deemed “successful.” I AM successful. I also can fail along the way(seems be my style lately smh), come up short, learn hard lessons and still be successful. We have to stop boxing our success with parameters and playing the horrible comparison game with what God has for us. I only want what God has for me!
My mom told me it was my time and my season and all the stuff that continued to be thrown at me is spiritual warfare trying to keep us from the many blessings that God has for us. Has anyone ever felt like me where you are trying to simply keep your head above water and the waves keep coming one after another-no life jacket or boat in sight to come save you… A health scare/diagnosis, expensive car problems, crazy work situations, marital confusion, emotional turmoil, financial situations, temptations engulfing you, the exhausting state of the USA, racial tension, COVID!
I’ve absolutely had some amazing times over the past couple years but also so many trials. Many of which I’m simply embarrassed to even discuss and anyone who knows me, knows I’m a complete OPEN book so there is definitely some tea here. Queen of disclosure-thats me, because why act like I have it all together when I don’t but some stuff is just hard to work through. This is life and sometimes life can have some low hills and valleys with some peaks thrown in to keep you from completely losing it lol
Yesterday was such an emotional day for me. I’ve had my book in hand for over two weeks now trying to get things planned to blast it out and EVERYTHING kept flipping up on me. My husband…shoot even my photographer had to “talk me off the ledge” a few times (thanks boos) lol Those pictures depicted the pure joy I had in my heart for my book but I assure it did not depict the process to getting to this point. Lord do you see “easy’ happening for me in my future anytime soon?!?! (Asking for a friend…)Lol
The texts, messages, calls and pure love and support shown so far has been overwhelming. I honestly doubted myself throughout this ENTIRE process and I will share some of my journey one day soon but I will say the fact that I actually have a book in my hand right now to share with you all really makes no sense…like that new common core math stuff type of sense lol. I can’t even tell you how this worked out for me other than God. My village of support has shown out, reposted, ordered multiple copies, promoted, and even many people I don’t even know have supported and that makes me cry ugly tears. I appreciate everyone and I can’t wait to see what God does with this book and really my life as a whole because it's finally my time to overcome/shine and Lord knows I could use a win!