A thief comes to kill, steal, and destroy. I have come so that they may have life and have it more abundantly. John 10:10
Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 1 Peter 5:8
For our battle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the world powers of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavens. Ephesians 6:12
Lately I've seen family members and many friends walk through the hard decision of divorce and I often wonder what happened? Were there things or people who could have helped and maybe supported the couple more?
Marriage is a topic I hold near and dear to me, not because I have it all figured out because Lord knows I DON'T, but because I'm in the throes of marriage. I'm in the fight to protect my vows and the struggle is real. I believe we could use people being more honest about marriage- the good and the difficult parts.
I started with these scriptures above because I’m a firm believer that the devil takes pleasure in ruining the family network. He wants to break up relationships, split up families, to kill, steal and destroy. He definitely doesn't want you to stay committed. We must remember our fight isn't always with flesh, many times it's a spiritual attack.
Having a good marriage takes work. Sometimes I wonder if engaged couples know what all they are taking on before they stand before God and others and say "I do." After the beautiful fairytale wedding, comes the the time to really "do" and I promise you the doing part is the challenge after the honeymoon period is over. I don't care how long you've known/loved a person, or lived together, marriage brings about a whole different ballgame of emotions.
While I was engaged all I could think about were the joys of being a wife. I honestly never really thought about what could occur during the "for worst" times when I said my vows but trust some hard times came. Wes and I have had lots of ups and downs along the way and then throw kids into the mix and somedays we are just barely surviving. ;) Imagine being in a boat trying to paddle upstream with NO paddle and then the boat springs a leak. Oh and just for fun lets add that someone forgot the life jackets at home... Yep that's us many days lol
Let me ask hypothetically in a marriage, what happens emotionally when you want to start a family but you are having difficulty? What happens when you have baggage and/ or dealing with family drama? What about if you or your spouse is let go from a job and can't find employment? What happens when your healthy spouse goes through serious medical problems and no longer looks or acts like the same person you married? What happens if mental illness attacks? What about when you just don't like your spouse? <--- I love me some Wesley however in our 12 1/2 years of marriage I'd be lying if I said I liked him the ENTIRE time...haha.
I'm not saying to focus on all the negatives and what if's, but I would like people to understand that just because you say I do- it doesn't shield you from life's ups and downs. Wes and I have this book of short stories of Christian couples who had been married 50 plus years and seriously the only difference between them and others is that they've held on longer and worked through more stuff. I promise you the stories were not all rosy either. They just worked through what life threw at them, good bad and sometimes ugly.
You can absolutely have a beautiful and awesome marriage and I wish that for everyone. I would urge that when times get hard (and they will just give it some time!!) to please fight for your marriage as much as possible (sometimes situations are beyond our control and trust I get it). Seek professional help before casually tossing around that "d" word. Get connected in small groups at church or with other couple friends who have healthy marriages. Chat it out with someone who had been there, done that, and made it through successfully! Pray, read books, listen to podcasts, just do whatever you can to try to get over the hurdles (once again if your situation allows this).
I'm no expert in marriage but I'd really like to be there more for my friends and others who are navigating marriage. I would never want anyone to look at me and my marriage and say "she has it all figured out." I'd laugh at that notion just like I did the other day when a friend told me I never look stressed as a parent (haha that's the sweetest but biggest joke I've heard all week- inserts bulging eye emoji here). I promise you Wes and I are still learning and making a ton mistakes along the way but seriously the one major thing we got going for us is that we are crazy committed to each other.
Let's vow to truly support each other through one of the hardest yet also one of the most rewarding roles we will have (in my opinion). God bless!