Wow! To say thirteen years flew by is an understatement. Where has the time gone? Not sure but Happy 13th Anniversary to my love, my best friend, and my most favorite person ever!
I'm sure I've listed some things I've learned along the way on this journey called Marriage before but seriously the biggest thing I've learned so far and continue to learn is just how much I don't know. In thirteen years we haven't arrived by any means.
My husband and I got married straight out of college. Like seriously a semester after Wes graduated and a summer before I graduated. I wouldn’t change that but boy were we young, dumb (more green than uneducated), broke, and sooo "in love!" We had no clue the amount of work you put into real love! I am in many ways a very different person than Wes married at twenty-two and thank God for it. Shoot, I'm a very different person than the nineteen year old me that he met at the TSU bookstore that very special people (you know who you are) instigated into our first date.
Those days my biggest worries were whether or not my classes were going to get purged, if I was going to get into certain clubs and organizations, and how long I could be on the phone with Wes before one of us fell asleep (cell mins unlimited after 9pm). Now, the worries I have look extremely different. #adulting
Last night I seriously found Wes hiding out in the girls room rocking chair in the dark before bedtime from the chaos called having two kids aged two and four. ;) Maybe he was hiding from me too- trust me the “estrogen mafia” can be a bit much to handle at times!! Lol Bedtime consisted of sweet hugs, snuggles, kisses, prayers, and bedtime stories but trust it was coupled with tons of whining, tears over who gets to stand on the step stool to brush teeth first, missing slippers/dolls/bears, requests for more snacks, repeated needs to go to the bathroom to avoid having to go to bed, constant getting out of the bed to grab toys/ books/or knock on our door(10x’s smh), and I'm 100% sure someone got their hand or bottom popped at some point... Or was that the day before- nevermind it's actually EVERY night (insert bulging eye emoji here).
I wouldn't trade my life and crazy home for anything but I also won't sugarcoat it to be easy nor fun ALL the time. Being a wife and a mom is EXHAUSTING, and emotional. I don't always have a clue what I am doing. I'm just trying to do the best that I can. Gods grace is the glue that holds it all together (and keeps me sane). I want a successful marriage and to raise good, God fearing, well adjusted children. So far so good- but it doesn't happen easily and it sure doesn't always look pretty along the way.
In this day of social media, it is sometimes hard to decipher between what is true and what is real. Relationships require a ton of work. Don't be fooled into thinking every marriage you see on social media has it all figured out, while at times you may be just trying to keep your head above water . I can assure you Wes and I don't have it all figured out. We are just super committed to each other. It's the one thing we had coming into the marriage and so far after being tested, tried, and gone through the fire, we still posses this quality.
Last year was a testing year overall (Life stuff more than marriage stuff) and although this year is off to a great start, for the first time in our marriage we started a few sessions of Christian marriage therapy. We went to therapy because between work, children, extended family, and marriage things got a little off kilter and our communication toolbelt could use a new tool. We also go because we'd rather work together on issues early rather than wait until "crap" hits the fan.
This might be a cultural thing but I grew up in a home/time where we was told, “don't tell nobody your business.” We just didn't share our problems, nor seek counseling/ therapy for ANYTHING and trust my family desperately needed it! As I've gotten older I enjoy being a very open, crazy self discloser! I own my issues! If I can't be myself and real with people what's the point? It's strange the negative stigma sometimes placed on seeking help. So explain to me how a few sessions of premarital counseling at the start of a marriage is supposed to successful get you through the “for better and for worse” of 50yrs+ of marriage?? Kudos to you if that’s you but it’s not my story in my imperfect life. It's perfectly ok to get physical, occupational, speech therapy, etc if you need it but you just might get the "side eye" if you need marriage therapy? #confused
Wes and I made a vow before God, our family, and friends that we take very seriously. So by any means necessary we will continue to love, grow, and seek any help to strengthen that vow! I urge anyone else needing help to please do the same. No shade here. Well off to many many more years to come with the Love of my Life- Happy Anniversary Babe!!